Firstly, I'd like to take a moment to worry. So cd29 had a higher temp, which I was excited about. Then we traveled across the country for the holidays.. Which have been wonderful and spent with family. However, my temps have all dropped down way below even my normal "low" temperature range. For the past 6 days they've been well into the 35's - which I am now bummed about. This seems to indicate no ovulation at all this cycle - sigh. What is going on with my body? And why wont it cooperate?! Tomorrow is cd35 and normally I'd be expecting AF to show up, but now I'm completely confused and given my low temps have no idea what to expect! I guess only time will tell, but I've never wished so hard for AF to show up. I really am hopeful - and a bit scared - that next cycle can and will be normal. Please send some love and light my way. Thank you!
Secondly and more importantly, tomorrow begins a new day, and the last day of 2010. As I reflect upon this year past I can only let go of the things that did not go as planned, the things which required a great deal of healing, the losses of some very wonderful souls, and send them positive thoughts. Each of you have made an imprint and will forever be in my heart. I look towards 2011 with hope that it will be a wonderful year filled with positive experiences, happiness and love.
Happy New Year 2011!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry O, O, O?
Happy Holidays to everyone! I wish all of your Christmas dreams to be realized in the new year.
Today it is Christmas Eve! I'm excited to be traveling to Ottawa for the season and a nice relaxing time with family. We're at the airport waiting for our flight. For me, today is also CD29 and my morning temperature finally went above my coverline. Yay! This might be good news for us. Possible O-day?
Now to hope that my temps stay up for at least 12 days to give me some sense of peace about the luteal phase. Then I can relax into January and have a nice calm cycle. Ahhh, wouldn't that be wonderful.
This would mean that I ovulated late this cycle. Even later than my normally late (CD22-25) ovulation. Likely because of the stress of the holidays. I am/was beginning to think this cycle was anovulatory and or going to last forever. Next cycle I will also be using OPKs again and am crossing my fingers that my cycles can regulate themselves soon for me (and my sanity!).
Sending holiday wishes to you and yours,
Renae
Today it is Christmas Eve! I'm excited to be traveling to Ottawa for the season and a nice relaxing time with family. We're at the airport waiting for our flight. For me, today is also CD29 and my morning temperature finally went above my coverline. Yay! This might be good news for us. Possible O-day?
Now to hope that my temps stay up for at least 12 days to give me some sense of peace about the luteal phase. Then I can relax into January and have a nice calm cycle. Ahhh, wouldn't that be wonderful.
This would mean that I ovulated late this cycle. Even later than my normally late (CD22-25) ovulation. Likely because of the stress of the holidays. I am/was beginning to think this cycle was anovulatory and or going to last forever. Next cycle I will also be using OPKs again and am crossing my fingers that my cycles can regulate themselves soon for me (and my sanity!).
Sending holiday wishes to you and yours,
Renae
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| SBUX Christmas Paper from my cheese danish - yum! |
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Epic Follicular Phases
My follicular phases seem to last for freaking ever. It's now calendar day 17, and not much has occurred. A few blips and bumps along the temperature chart but nothing of note. The charts up to this point normally look like a roller coaster ride of random ups and downs in the high 35s to low 36s. The last two cycles I tracked had O-day occurring around day 21-25. That's a long wait if you think about it - most of a month. So I'm speculating that this cycle will be on pattern and very much the same. I guess I have well developed eggies. Or so I hope. Much as previous cycles I worry about the shortness of the Luteal Phase and can only hope that O-day will creep downwards and extend the LP. Only time will tell.
On Friday, I had mouth surgery to remove a growth (a piece of skin that I kept on biting - painful). I will spare you the details as I am sure most of you will not want to know how awful surgery on your mouth is. They did the procedure at the dentist's office and it went surprisingly smoothly. I was so scared that I was shaking in the chair. My husband said in a comforting tone before I left, "It will be okay, how bad could it be?". My answer, "He is going to give me a needle, then cut my cheek, then cauterize it. Being poked, cut and then burned. How much worse could it be?" He just hugged me. Two days later and it is healing nicely I believe. Now we wait for the test results. I think it will come back normal. Staying positive is always the best method.
For now, I am trying to relax and heal up. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of relaxing personally. But I guess not. As I have developed a rash (again) from stress (or from laundry detergent possibly) that is very persistent and likes to keep me awake at night. Perhaps from the stress of anticipating surgery, but I'm speculating. I would like to scratch my skin off but have learned from past experiences that scratching only puts you back to square one. Sigh. Hoping to find some relief soon.
On Friday, I had mouth surgery to remove a growth (a piece of skin that I kept on biting - painful). I will spare you the details as I am sure most of you will not want to know how awful surgery on your mouth is. They did the procedure at the dentist's office and it went surprisingly smoothly. I was so scared that I was shaking in the chair. My husband said in a comforting tone before I left, "It will be okay, how bad could it be?". My answer, "He is going to give me a needle, then cut my cheek, then cauterize it. Being poked, cut and then burned. How much worse could it be?" He just hugged me. Two days later and it is healing nicely I believe. Now we wait for the test results. I think it will come back normal. Staying positive is always the best method.
For now, I am trying to relax and heal up. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of relaxing personally. But I guess not. As I have developed a rash (again) from stress (or from laundry detergent possibly) that is very persistent and likes to keep me awake at night. Perhaps from the stress of anticipating surgery, but I'm speculating. I would like to scratch my skin off but have learned from past experiences that scratching only puts you back to square one. Sigh. Hoping to find some relief soon.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Family Love
We are now on what I will count as cycle number four. I know that in TTC terms, this is not a very long period of time. I've read about ladies who've been TTC for years and I truly feel for them. I've also read about ladies who get BFPs on their first try and go on to have wonderful pregnancies. My thoughts on having to actually put forth an effort to TTC are that it can only lead to a greater appreciation of the end goal, a deeper love for the little baby and reflection on all of the hard work that went into planning for them. It has been quite a journey so far.
In one sense, I am lucky in that I get to share this TTC journey with my sister, who also understands the hardships of TTC and loss. I wish that we didn't understand it, that we could get pregnant easily and stay pregnant but so far that has not been the case for either of us. My sister is on one hand a great support in that she understands what I am going through and on the other hand, since she is my older sister and also TTC (aka wanting to have a baby first) I also am conflicted in that I don't want to share too much, or make her feel as though I may be stealing her thunder. Ideally she would have a baby first, but the world isn't always "right" and I understand this fact. It however doesn't make our situation any easier. I wish for her happiness and that she will soon have her bundle of joy as she so dreams.
Speaking of family, the funeral last week was beautiful. It brought together a lot of family. We enjoyed seeing everyone again and feeling the sense of love and belonging. It really means a lot to us that we have such wonderful people around us. We can't wait to be able to share some good news with them all. I still feel bad that we won't be able to share the good news as planned at Christmas time, but I'm trying not to dwell on what could have been, and instead focus on what could be. My grandma keeps asking me when she will be a great grandma. Perhaps next year if we are lucky.
This month we are not really trying to conceive again, based on doctors recommendation from the CP in October, but would be pleasantly surprised if we did get happy news. We will likely be due for AF or HPT on New Year's Eve, which would be a really fun day to get a BFP. My plan is to keep using BBT and let things happen as they may. I don't plan to use OPKs or anything else this cycle. I'm still hoping for an October or November baby, so we wouldn't need to try until January or February in that case. I've got a stock of OPKs and HPTs in the ready for Jan/Feb 2011... I occasionally feel like a crazy person for having a bathroom shelf stocked full of TTC products, and wonder 'Am I normal?'
We are celebrating Christmas with family here at home in just two weeks and then again with more family out of province the following week. We are really looking forward to the entire Christmas season. All of our Christmas cards were mailed out end of November, all but one gift is bought and wrapped and today we put the Christmas lights on our house. All we need is a tree and we're all set for family dinner.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the shelter cat we adopted is fitting nicely into our home. He still does not have a name, but I am sure one will stand out soon.
Wishing you and yours a magical holiday season.
Renae
In one sense, I am lucky in that I get to share this TTC journey with my sister, who also understands the hardships of TTC and loss. I wish that we didn't understand it, that we could get pregnant easily and stay pregnant but so far that has not been the case for either of us. My sister is on one hand a great support in that she understands what I am going through and on the other hand, since she is my older sister and also TTC (aka wanting to have a baby first) I also am conflicted in that I don't want to share too much, or make her feel as though I may be stealing her thunder. Ideally she would have a baby first, but the world isn't always "right" and I understand this fact. It however doesn't make our situation any easier. I wish for her happiness and that she will soon have her bundle of joy as she so dreams.
Speaking of family, the funeral last week was beautiful. It brought together a lot of family. We enjoyed seeing everyone again and feeling the sense of love and belonging. It really means a lot to us that we have such wonderful people around us. We can't wait to be able to share some good news with them all. I still feel bad that we won't be able to share the good news as planned at Christmas time, but I'm trying not to dwell on what could have been, and instead focus on what could be. My grandma keeps asking me when she will be a great grandma. Perhaps next year if we are lucky.
This month we are not really trying to conceive again, based on doctors recommendation from the CP in October, but would be pleasantly surprised if we did get happy news. We will likely be due for AF or HPT on New Year's Eve, which would be a really fun day to get a BFP. My plan is to keep using BBT and let things happen as they may. I don't plan to use OPKs or anything else this cycle. I'm still hoping for an October or November baby, so we wouldn't need to try until January or February in that case. I've got a stock of OPKs and HPTs in the ready for Jan/Feb 2011... I occasionally feel like a crazy person for having a bathroom shelf stocked full of TTC products, and wonder 'Am I normal?'
We are celebrating Christmas with family here at home in just two weeks and then again with more family out of province the following week. We are really looking forward to the entire Christmas season. All of our Christmas cards were mailed out end of November, all but one gift is bought and wrapped and today we put the Christmas lights on our house. All we need is a tree and we're all set for family dinner.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the shelter cat we adopted is fitting nicely into our home. He still does not have a name, but I am sure one will stand out soon.
Wishing you and yours a magical holiday season.
Renae
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Anniversary Postponed
The happy part. Today is our one year anniversary! A year ago we were on the beach in Dominican Republic, surrounded by loved ones, exchanging vows. The time has just flown by. I am thankful each day for my wonderful husband.
The sad part. We have postponed our celebration. We are flying out tomorrow for a family funeral on Monday and have had everything up in the air for the past few days. Tonight we're packing our bags and finding care for our animals. My husband cancelled the flowers he'd ordered and cancelled our dinner reservation. We need to get up very early to catch our flight and thought it best to celebrate another weekend instead. Tonight we are staying in, ordering a pizza and watching a movie. It will be a sad few days, likely filled with tears and heartwarming stories. We will be surrounded by family and I think that is where we need to be right now. Sending a little prayer to the Smeltz family.
The sad part. We have postponed our celebration. We are flying out tomorrow for a family funeral on Monday and have had everything up in the air for the past few days. Tonight we're packing our bags and finding care for our animals. My husband cancelled the flowers he'd ordered and cancelled our dinner reservation. We need to get up very early to catch our flight and thought it best to celebrate another weekend instead. Tonight we are staying in, ordering a pizza and watching a movie. It will be a sad few days, likely filled with tears and heartwarming stories. We will be surrounded by family and I think that is where we need to be right now. Sending a little prayer to the Smeltz family.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
New Member of the Family
Today I am 10 or 11dpo. It is somewhat comforting to know that my luteal phase is in the normal range, even if it is on the low side. Although I'd prefer to see 12-14dpo, I'll take what I can get. It seems that all systems are working properly and I am hopeful that we will have a happy healthy pregnancy soon. I'm just glad to be ovulating and have normal AF. Let's hope that my hormone levels are also normal. There is no way to tell other than blood tests and those are not in the cards, as our doctor will only do testing if we've had a lot of trouble. This cycle, however, appears to be out.
This morning my temps dropped 0.3 degress, from an average of 36.50, to only 36.22C. I'm taking that as an indicator that we are not miraculously pregnant this cycle, and that AF is on her way. We plan to skip trying in December and to focus on family and the holidays. We'll now be moving onto January to try to conceive in hopes for an October or November 2011 baby. (Those are two of my favorite months.) Please wish us positive luck/karma and send prayers our direction for a happy healthy pregnancy and baby to be.
As for adding to our family, today we are adopting a shelter cat. He will make three. After suddenly losing our youngest cat at the end of May 2010, I wasn't sure we'd get another cat at all. Losing her in only a few precious hours, took a really big toll on my heart. After doing some soul searching, I have spent most of this week torn between two wonderful cats at our local shelter. I know that our beloved cat would have wanted us to save a new friend, and give them a loving home, just like we did for her.
I went in to see one specific cat and ended up connecting with two. Ultimately, we could only take one cat and I had to make a tough choice. It took me over three days, but I finally decided to take the second kitty that I met. He seemed to have the most friendly/cuddly disposition and I thought he would fit into our household well. Though it was a very close race and both were friendly and social. They definately didn't make it an easy decision! The first kitty I met was beautiful, friendly and curious, but he was sneezing and I had to take into account my pets at home and what is best for them. I would have loved to adopt both boys, but thats not possible right now. So I had the shelter put my name on the other guys' account incase they were to put him on a list to be put to sleep, then I'll be going back to get him even if we don't have the room!
So tonight on my way home from work, I am picking up our new friend! He is a brown tabby cat with white feet and chest. The shelter thinks he is about a year old, but they aren't sure, and really it doesnt matter to us. We are just glad to be able to rescue another kitty and I'm hopeful that he will blend into our family nicely.
This morning my temps dropped 0.3 degress, from an average of 36.50, to only 36.22C. I'm taking that as an indicator that we are not miraculously pregnant this cycle, and that AF is on her way. We plan to skip trying in December and to focus on family and the holidays. We'll now be moving onto January to try to conceive in hopes for an October or November 2011 baby. (Those are two of my favorite months.) Please wish us positive luck/karma and send prayers our direction for a happy healthy pregnancy and baby to be.
As for adding to our family, today we are adopting a shelter cat. He will make three. After suddenly losing our youngest cat at the end of May 2010, I wasn't sure we'd get another cat at all. Losing her in only a few precious hours, took a really big toll on my heart. After doing some soul searching, I have spent most of this week torn between two wonderful cats at our local shelter. I know that our beloved cat would have wanted us to save a new friend, and give them a loving home, just like we did for her.
I went in to see one specific cat and ended up connecting with two. Ultimately, we could only take one cat and I had to make a tough choice. It took me over three days, but I finally decided to take the second kitty that I met. He seemed to have the most friendly/cuddly disposition and I thought he would fit into our household well. Though it was a very close race and both were friendly and social. They definately didn't make it an easy decision! The first kitty I met was beautiful, friendly and curious, but he was sneezing and I had to take into account my pets at home and what is best for them. I would have loved to adopt both boys, but thats not possible right now. So I had the shelter put my name on the other guys' account incase they were to put him on a list to be put to sleep, then I'll be going back to get him even if we don't have the room!
So tonight on my way home from work, I am picking up our new friend! He is a brown tabby cat with white feet and chest. The shelter thinks he is about a year old, but they aren't sure, and really it doesnt matter to us. We are just glad to be able to rescue another kitty and I'm hopeful that he will blend into our family nicely.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Ovulation?
Well this has definitely been a confusing cycle. I really don't think that the charting website is correct, but instead feel like ovulation was last weekend. Either Saturday or Sunday to be precise (right as predicted by me on CD23 or 24). My signs point to ewcm, cm position and temperatures. I had consistant (and higher yay!) temperatures up until this week when I spiked. This morning I actually spiked higher than I ever have previously with 36.44C! Go me!
I am finding that I am much more calm this cycle. I am not over anlayzing every twinge or symptom. I had a professional course to prepare for and am happy to report that it took my mind off of babies for a few days. I am even happier to report that I passed my exam and produced a 22 page paper! Who knew I could write so much about Planning Theory and the History of Town Planning? One step complete, two more to challenge.
As for my progress, I have been counting calories again and trying to stay on track with food by using the website myfitnesspal.com. It's also an app on my iphone, which is extremely handy. My food goals are right on track this week, but no weight loss. I've also been taking a spin class on Mondays and doing relaxation yoga on Tuesdays at lunch hour. My good intentions are to run on the treadmill at work, but I haven't yet actually gotten back into running. I hope to get there soon. For now I'm still a bit sluggish and am proud to be doing what I can. (Even though the scale hates me and I'm up a total of about 10lbs from my lowest weight *cry*) I will try to remember where I came from and that a total loss of 75lbs is still a win!
What I have taken from my experience last cycle is this. I have learned to let this experience come as it may. I cannot control this part of my life (or my body for that matter!) and I am stronger because of what I've gone through. I am at peace and am moving forward.
I am finding that I am much more calm this cycle. I am not over anlayzing every twinge or symptom. I had a professional course to prepare for and am happy to report that it took my mind off of babies for a few days. I am even happier to report that I passed my exam and produced a 22 page paper! Who knew I could write so much about Planning Theory and the History of Town Planning? One step complete, two more to challenge.
As for my progress, I have been counting calories again and trying to stay on track with food by using the website myfitnesspal.com. It's also an app on my iphone, which is extremely handy. My food goals are right on track this week, but no weight loss. I've also been taking a spin class on Mondays and doing relaxation yoga on Tuesdays at lunch hour. My good intentions are to run on the treadmill at work, but I haven't yet actually gotten back into running. I hope to get there soon. For now I'm still a bit sluggish and am proud to be doing what I can. (Even though the scale hates me and I'm up a total of about 10lbs from my lowest weight *cry*) I will try to remember where I came from and that a total loss of 75lbs is still a win!
What I have taken from my experience last cycle is this. I have learned to let this experience come as it may. I cannot control this part of my life (or my body for that matter!) and I am stronger because of what I've gone through. I am at peace and am moving forward.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Fertility Charting
I've been tracking my BBT on the fertility friend website. I'm not totally sure if it is accurate, as it seems to think that I ovulated on CD16 this cycle. My temperature chart link is on the right hand side bar, in case you wanted to see for yourself (or if you're like me and like looking at charts and graphs as much as I do). I was expecting O-day to fall around CD23-25 like it did last cycle. This is an interesting curve ball.
I'll take CD16 over CD25 any cycle! Shorter cycles means more chances per year to have a pregnancy, less waiting around for ovulation, and less waiting around for the two week wait. Well okay, the TWW is still the same, but it will seem less lengthy. What CD16 also means for us is that we missed the window for an August little one, but since we weren't supposed to be trying anyhow, I guess its not a big shocker. Although I know my Mom and Grandma would have loved an August baby to share in their birthdays. Next cycle I will have to monitor much more closely.
I used to think I'd be able to pick the month our little one would be born in. I have a few favorites. I've quickly realized that you don't get to pick and choose. At this point I don't even have a preference for boy vs girl. I think this is how you know that you are really ready to be a parent, when the small things no longer matter and the bigger picture does. We just want a healthy happy little one to add to our family. Something in my heart tells me that it is coming soon enough, and that we should enjoy our life now as we currently know it..
I'll take CD16 over CD25 any cycle! Shorter cycles means more chances per year to have a pregnancy, less waiting around for ovulation, and less waiting around for the two week wait. Well okay, the TWW is still the same, but it will seem less lengthy. What CD16 also means for us is that we missed the window for an August little one, but since we weren't supposed to be trying anyhow, I guess its not a big shocker. Although I know my Mom and Grandma would have loved an August baby to share in their birthdays. Next cycle I will have to monitor much more closely.
I used to think I'd be able to pick the month our little one would be born in. I have a few favorites. I've quickly realized that you don't get to pick and choose. At this point I don't even have a preference for boy vs girl. I think this is how you know that you are really ready to be a parent, when the small things no longer matter and the bigger picture does. We just want a healthy happy little one to add to our family. Something in my heart tells me that it is coming soon enough, and that we should enjoy our life now as we currently know it..
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Positive Cycle Progression
This morning, as most mornings now, I woke up at 6am to take my BBT. I've been tracking my temperatures just to ensure my cycles are going along happily and as planned. So far I have noticed a general overall increase in my temperatures of about 0.2C on average, tracking this cycle as compared to last cycle. This is a big positive because my acupuncturist indicated to me that my temperatures were too low. I've also been using a heating pad to try to increase blood flow. It is nice and comforting if nothing else.
Later in the morning, I decided to take an OPK just for kicks and because I had two non-digital ones left to waste. It came back with a pink line on it, which was surprising to me at only CD17. The line wasn't as dark as the control, but still a positive sign that I may ovulate earlier than CD25 this month. I plan to retest with my last remaining non-digital stick on Tuesday to see if it's any darker. It would seem to me that my body is balancing out somewhat.
For the rest of this week, I am going to try to get a 20 page paper completed and work on readings for my professional practitioners course and exam, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, next weekend. If I pass, I'll be one step closer to my professional designation. Hopefully I can focus and get babies off my brain for three days!
Later in the morning, I decided to take an OPK just for kicks and because I had two non-digital ones left to waste. It came back with a pink line on it, which was surprising to me at only CD17. The line wasn't as dark as the control, but still a positive sign that I may ovulate earlier than CD25 this month. I plan to retest with my last remaining non-digital stick on Tuesday to see if it's any darker. It would seem to me that my body is balancing out somewhat.
For the rest of this week, I am going to try to get a 20 page paper completed and work on readings for my professional practitioners course and exam, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, next weekend. If I pass, I'll be one step closer to my professional designation. Hopefully I can focus and get babies off my brain for three days!
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| CD17(Nov7) - Non TTC cycle |
Friday, November 5, 2010
Treatments
I've decided to treat myself to a few luxuries in the waiting period before trying to conceive again:
Acupuncture
I've started acupuncture to hopefully get my cycles on track. My new acupuncturist says that I have blood stasis and dampness which are causing grief to my system while trying to conceive. At the first visit she gave me chinese herbs to drink in tea to help balance me out. They taste horrible! (like drinking celery tea mixed with vomit. yummy!) My western medicine doctor thinks that it may not be a good idea to take the herbs since she didn't have information on what exactly is in the mixture. I'm now torn, stuck in the middle of an eastern/western medicine fight. I don't know who to take advice from and feel like I'll just do whatever I feel is right for me. I may not drink the herb tea, or I may drink it sometimes and not others. I really don't want to insult the acupuncturist but I really don't want to be drinking weird unknown tea either.
She also mentioned that given my BBTs from last cycle, my temperatures are too low to sustain a pregnancy. My temperatures averaged at just under 36 degrees celsius before ovulation and only 36.4 after ovulation and while briefly pregnant. So she has recommended some things I can do at home to get blood flowing and I plan to give her ideas a shot. The good news is, based on my own observations of my BBT this cycle, my temperatures have already come up by a few points on average. (See Ovulation Chart link along the right side bar for data).
The other thing she did today was cover a big section of my leg with iodine. She says that if it fades away fast, by today, then I likely have a thyroid problem and am iodine deficient. If it`s still dark tomorrow , then I am good. I think I am good as I just had a blood test and my doctor informed me recently that my thyroid is working fine. So now I've got this big patch of yellow iodine by my right knee which looks all patchy and strange. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and go with her on this strange trip, at least for a few months. At best, we will be pregnant very quickly after the new year, at worst I learn a bit about eastern medicine.
Massage Therapy
I went for massage treatments last year after the car accident and it did wonders, so I've decided to go every few weeks until the end of the year and treat myself in order to help relax and be more calm. The massage therapist I see is excellent at her job and the experience is very soothing for the body and soul. I look forward to my next appointment and would go everyday if I had the means. I would highly recommend this treatment to anyone!
Chiropractic Care
I've been seeing my chiropractor now for a few years and I go about once a month to get adjusted. It keeps my immune system healthy and helps to relax my muscles in conjunction with the on site massage therapy. I plan to keep this up once a month for the duration of my future pregnancy and possibly even beyond.
Facials
Okay, so this isn't really related to TTC in any way, but it's really nice to be pampered and I think every once in awhile is nice to go for a facial. Plus it helps a lot with trouble spots from all the hormone fluctuations! This is a random treatment, not on a regular basis. I also recommend this one to anyone who likes to feel pampered.
And below are the things on my To Do List before TTC again:
Dentist
We go every six months for a full cleaning and are due for our next end of November, so I am including this here as something I will take care of in relation to TTC. I've read that having healthy teeth and gums is a big step towards a healthy pregnancy. Looking forward to having that squeeky clean feeling. I know some of you will think that I am crazy, but I love getting fluoride trays!
Yearly Exam
I scheduled my yearly exam for next week. It needs to be done and since I am not TTC for now, I figured it's as good a time as any to get this out of the way. Then when we are TTC again we can know that everything is good and healthy for baby's oven. I will get my results in a few weeks.
Exercise
I haven't been working out really since July (unless you count walking all over Europe during our vacation.) Lately, I've found a huge lack of energy and have been just happy to get through each day without being over tired. I struggle most days to stay awake past 9pm and some days find myself falling asleep mid afternoon. I am hoping that my body will heal and I'll get my energy levels back up again. I'm very drained right now and I can feel it. I am getting 6-9 hours of sleep each night and don't think I can or should get much more. Maybe getting back into a routine of working out will boost my energy. I'll start slowly with walking and work my way back to running and lifting again. It's hard to get motivated!
So that's the break down of everything I am doing for my health prior to trying to conceive again. Here's hoping it will all mesh together and aid us in producing a happy healthy bundle next fall or winter! I'll post updates on my thoughts on the treatments as they unfold.
Acupuncture
I've started acupuncture to hopefully get my cycles on track. My new acupuncturist says that I have blood stasis and dampness which are causing grief to my system while trying to conceive. At the first visit she gave me chinese herbs to drink in tea to help balance me out. They taste horrible! (like drinking celery tea mixed with vomit. yummy!) My western medicine doctor thinks that it may not be a good idea to take the herbs since she didn't have information on what exactly is in the mixture. I'm now torn, stuck in the middle of an eastern/western medicine fight. I don't know who to take advice from and feel like I'll just do whatever I feel is right for me. I may not drink the herb tea, or I may drink it sometimes and not others. I really don't want to insult the acupuncturist but I really don't want to be drinking weird unknown tea either.
She also mentioned that given my BBTs from last cycle, my temperatures are too low to sustain a pregnancy. My temperatures averaged at just under 36 degrees celsius before ovulation and only 36.4 after ovulation and while briefly pregnant. So she has recommended some things I can do at home to get blood flowing and I plan to give her ideas a shot. The good news is, based on my own observations of my BBT this cycle, my temperatures have already come up by a few points on average. (See Ovulation Chart link along the right side bar for data).
The other thing she did today was cover a big section of my leg with iodine. She says that if it fades away fast, by today, then I likely have a thyroid problem and am iodine deficient. If it`s still dark tomorrow , then I am good. I think I am good as I just had a blood test and my doctor informed me recently that my thyroid is working fine. So now I've got this big patch of yellow iodine by my right knee which looks all patchy and strange. I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and go with her on this strange trip, at least for a few months. At best, we will be pregnant very quickly after the new year, at worst I learn a bit about eastern medicine.
Massage Therapy
I went for massage treatments last year after the car accident and it did wonders, so I've decided to go every few weeks until the end of the year and treat myself in order to help relax and be more calm. The massage therapist I see is excellent at her job and the experience is very soothing for the body and soul. I look forward to my next appointment and would go everyday if I had the means. I would highly recommend this treatment to anyone!
Chiropractic Care
I've been seeing my chiropractor now for a few years and I go about once a month to get adjusted. It keeps my immune system healthy and helps to relax my muscles in conjunction with the on site massage therapy. I plan to keep this up once a month for the duration of my future pregnancy and possibly even beyond.
Facials
Okay, so this isn't really related to TTC in any way, but it's really nice to be pampered and I think every once in awhile is nice to go for a facial. Plus it helps a lot with trouble spots from all the hormone fluctuations! This is a random treatment, not on a regular basis. I also recommend this one to anyone who likes to feel pampered.
And below are the things on my To Do List before TTC again:
Dentist
We go every six months for a full cleaning and are due for our next end of November, so I am including this here as something I will take care of in relation to TTC. I've read that having healthy teeth and gums is a big step towards a healthy pregnancy. Looking forward to having that squeeky clean feeling. I know some of you will think that I am crazy, but I love getting fluoride trays!
Yearly Exam
I scheduled my yearly exam for next week. It needs to be done and since I am not TTC for now, I figured it's as good a time as any to get this out of the way. Then when we are TTC again we can know that everything is good and healthy for baby's oven. I will get my results in a few weeks.
Exercise
I haven't been working out really since July (unless you count walking all over Europe during our vacation.) Lately, I've found a huge lack of energy and have been just happy to get through each day without being over tired. I struggle most days to stay awake past 9pm and some days find myself falling asleep mid afternoon. I am hoping that my body will heal and I'll get my energy levels back up again. I'm very drained right now and I can feel it. I am getting 6-9 hours of sleep each night and don't think I can or should get much more. Maybe getting back into a routine of working out will boost my energy. I'll start slowly with walking and work my way back to running and lifting again. It's hard to get motivated!
So that's the break down of everything I am doing for my health prior to trying to conceive again. Here's hoping it will all mesh together and aid us in producing a happy healthy bundle next fall or winter! I'll post updates on my thoughts on the treatments as they unfold.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Moving Forward
So last week after seeing my doctor on Tuesday evening, she sent me for beta blood testing. I went to the lab on Wednesday and had 4 or 5 vials of blood taken and then returned on Friday for the second round. I dislike getting blood taken - its a general dislike of needles and being stabbed - but it is getting a bit easier each time I have to go. Also I figure that once we are pregnant I will likely have my blood taken a few times, so I may as well get used to it now.
My doctor was supposed to call Friday to let me know but I think she forgot. I waited all weekend for my doctor to give me the results. A decreasing hCG level, and I would be on the right track. An increasing hCG, and that could spell trouble - an ectopic or something along those lines. I'm a worrier. Can you tell?
After a week and a half of waiting to confirm my intuition and a weekend of sweating over undetermined blood test results, I had an answer. It was as I suspected, a chemical pregnancy. I believe I was 4 and a half weeks based on conception and not the 6 weeks based on LMP.
So the sadness is waining and I will not ever forget this experience but I will move on and stay positive. My hCG is now thankfully back to zero. The bad side of the coin, we are not having a baby - yet. The good side of the coin, I am healthy. Only approximately 59 days to go until our two cycle wait is over and we can get back to business. January can not arrive fast enough.
My doctor was supposed to call Friday to let me know but I think she forgot. I waited all weekend for my doctor to give me the results. A decreasing hCG level, and I would be on the right track. An increasing hCG, and that could spell trouble - an ectopic or something along those lines. I'm a worrier. Can you tell?
After a week and a half of waiting to confirm my intuition and a weekend of sweating over undetermined blood test results, I had an answer. It was as I suspected, a chemical pregnancy. I believe I was 4 and a half weeks based on conception and not the 6 weeks based on LMP.
So the sadness is waining and I will not ever forget this experience but I will move on and stay positive. My hCG is now thankfully back to zero. The bad side of the coin, we are not having a baby - yet. The good side of the coin, I am healthy. Only approximately 59 days to go until our two cycle wait is over and we can get back to business. January can not arrive fast enough.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Professional Opinions
Yesterday, I decided to try acupuncture for the first time. I'd heard that it can help to regulate cycles, with relaxation, blood flow and fertility in general. I was surprised that the needles didn't hurt and that they were so very tiny. I definitely noticed something, maybe increased blood flow, although as of yet I am not sure what it was. We will see in a few sessions if it works as promised. The acupuncturist did a thorough patient history and when discussing trying to conceive she dropped a bit of an unexpected recommendation. She told me not to try to conceive for at least one full cycle, two was recommended, to allow my body to get back to normal after the loss. Although as of yet I am not sure what normal looks like. [insert jokes about me being "normal" here]. I hope to know in the next couple of months!
Later that evening, I went to see my medical doctor regarding my experience. I got to the clinic early and as the nurse was escorting me to the room, she says, "Are you here to confirm your pregnancy?" All I could do was cry. *sigh* Luckily, I didn't have to wait very long. The doctor was really supportive. We had a talk about all of my concerns and she answered all of my worried and random first-time-pregnancy-type questions. She also recommended that we should wait two cycles to try to conceive again. She said the incidence of miscarriage is greatly increased if you try again right after a loss, and that the more losses you have the higher the risk. That's pretty scary! I had no idea. So my plan is now to wait it out and around Christmas hopefully two cycles will be completed. Then we can pick ourselves up and move forward.
The doctor also sent me for blood tests, one of which I took today. The second one is on Friday, to make sure the hCG is gone or going down in my system. I'll get the results Friday afternoon. So begins the two cycle countdown.
Later that evening, I went to see my medical doctor regarding my experience. I got to the clinic early and as the nurse was escorting me to the room, she says, "Are you here to confirm your pregnancy?" All I could do was cry. *sigh* Luckily, I didn't have to wait very long. The doctor was really supportive. We had a talk about all of my concerns and she answered all of my worried and random first-time-pregnancy-type questions. She also recommended that we should wait two cycles to try to conceive again. She said the incidence of miscarriage is greatly increased if you try again right after a loss, and that the more losses you have the higher the risk. That's pretty scary! I had no idea. So my plan is now to wait it out and around Christmas hopefully two cycles will be completed. Then we can pick ourselves up and move forward.
The doctor also sent me for blood tests, one of which I took today. The second one is on Friday, to make sure the hCG is gone or going down in my system. I'll get the results Friday afternoon. So begins the two cycle countdown.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Waiting Game
I'm beginning to feel as if this trying to conceive thing is all a waiting game. A game of tactics and skill, of timing and luck.
You wait until AF is over, then you wait until ovulation, then you wait again 2 more weeks (aka the dreaded two week wait) until either a) AF comes back and you begin all over, or b) if you've been successful and have a positive home pregnancy test. That's just the very tip of the iceberg, once you actually do conceive then you've got to hope its viable and that it will be healthy. It's all very nerve wracking.
I've read about various methods of trying, when to try, when not to try, how much to try. I've read about methods of tracking, temperatures, ovulation kits, and counting the days. I've read about chemicals, products, vitamins to consume, and random magical acts that are supposed to help you to conceive such as prayer, spells and positive thinking. I've read about procedures such as aromatherapy, chiropractic, acupuncture and acupressure all supposedly to help you have the baby of your dreams.
I'm not really sure what to think. Who knew trying to conceive was this complicated? In school they always taught us how not to get pregnant and then when you actually do want try, you're left confused and overwhelmed by all of the information. The advice everyone gives is to "Relax. It will happen when it is supposed to happen". Who knows maybe they are right, but it is much easier said than done when it's your future on the line.
I've noticed from talking to many women, who have tried for months or even years, that babies are not easy to come by. Yes, there are those who conceive right away first time with no complications, but they are quite rare. Most of the women I've talked to had to try for a long time to get pregnant. I'm also noticing how rare it seems to be to keep a pregnancy once you do get a positive home pregnancy test. This is the part where there are no books on "How to". In fact, I couldn't find any information at all for the stage in between getting a positive test and having your doctor confirm it with an ultrasound, sometimes weeks later. There are so many unanswered questions and so few reliable resources.
It seems that pregnancies overall are not easy to come by, and keep, and nurture full term. This gives me a great appreciation for the babies who are born each day and the miracles that they really are. I know our own little miracle will happen someday. Maybe even two or three in time, if we are lucky enough. I also know that we will appreciate them all the more for having to learn all of this on our own. It really opens your eyes to how little you can control and how big this process really is.
The way I figure, this is all a big chess game, and you need to make the right move, with the right pieces in place, at the right time. All while keeping your cool relaxed state of mind. Who knew it would be a skills test?
Wish us luck, prayers, and baby dust!
I found this quote and wanted to remember it's strength. It made me teary eyed to read it.
""There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed them and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
You wait until AF is over, then you wait until ovulation, then you wait again 2 more weeks (aka the dreaded two week wait) until either a) AF comes back and you begin all over, or b) if you've been successful and have a positive home pregnancy test. That's just the very tip of the iceberg, once you actually do conceive then you've got to hope its viable and that it will be healthy. It's all very nerve wracking.
I've read about various methods of trying, when to try, when not to try, how much to try. I've read about methods of tracking, temperatures, ovulation kits, and counting the days. I've read about chemicals, products, vitamins to consume, and random magical acts that are supposed to help you to conceive such as prayer, spells and positive thinking. I've read about procedures such as aromatherapy, chiropractic, acupuncture and acupressure all supposedly to help you have the baby of your dreams.
I'm not really sure what to think. Who knew trying to conceive was this complicated? In school they always taught us how not to get pregnant and then when you actually do want try, you're left confused and overwhelmed by all of the information. The advice everyone gives is to "Relax. It will happen when it is supposed to happen". Who knows maybe they are right, but it is much easier said than done when it's your future on the line.
I've noticed from talking to many women, who have tried for months or even years, that babies are not easy to come by. Yes, there are those who conceive right away first time with no complications, but they are quite rare. Most of the women I've talked to had to try for a long time to get pregnant. I'm also noticing how rare it seems to be to keep a pregnancy once you do get a positive home pregnancy test. This is the part where there are no books on "How to". In fact, I couldn't find any information at all for the stage in between getting a positive test and having your doctor confirm it with an ultrasound, sometimes weeks later. There are so many unanswered questions and so few reliable resources.
It seems that pregnancies overall are not easy to come by, and keep, and nurture full term. This gives me a great appreciation for the babies who are born each day and the miracles that they really are. I know our own little miracle will happen someday. Maybe even two or three in time, if we are lucky enough. I also know that we will appreciate them all the more for having to learn all of this on our own. It really opens your eyes to how little you can control and how big this process really is.
The way I figure, this is all a big chess game, and you need to make the right move, with the right pieces in place, at the right time. All while keeping your cool relaxed state of mind. Who knew it would be a skills test?
Wish us luck, prayers, and baby dust!
I found this quote and wanted to remember it's strength. It made me teary eyed to read it.
""There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed them and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
Friday, October 22, 2010
Very Rocky Week
I thought this was it. I tried not to get excited until a doctor could confirm for us. 17 days past ovulation and 4 weeks 3 days along. This week I figured something was not right. I just "knew". I'd been overly worrying all week, even more than normal. I'm sure I drove DH crazy. I woke up around 9am, and took my temperature, which showed a 0.2 degree drop. Not good news. I took two HPTs right away and they both came back negative. I'd lost the baby.
Well, really I like to think of it as losing a ball of cells, because I understand that at this point it was not yet a baby. The disappointment of not having a "June Bug" and not being able to surprise our families at Christmas with the good news is the hardest part to take. We did get excited even though we tried not to, and the let down has left a hole. I can't even imagine the love I'd feel for a birthed baby if I feel this way about one just at the spark of life. Our baby will be well loved. Someday.
Well, really I like to think of it as losing a ball of cells, because I understand that at this point it was not yet a baby. The disappointment of not having a "June Bug" and not being able to surprise our families at Christmas with the good news is the hardest part to take. We did get excited even though we tried not to, and the let down has left a hole. I can't even imagine the love I'd feel for a birthed baby if I feel this way about one just at the spark of life. Our baby will be well loved. Someday.
I spent some time today reading about "chemical pregnancies". Basically any pregnancy that you have prior to having an ultrasound is considered a chemical pregnancy and they are very common. 50-60% of pregnancies apparently end this way, just normally, its early enough that the mom never knows its happened. Doesn't make me feel any better but at least it's not rare and I'm pretty sure I have nothing reproductively wrong with me. We now know that we can get pregnant and I will hold onto that glimmer of hope.
I'm hoping that my body can bounce back to normal hormone levels and that we will have a healthy baby baking soon. For now we'll keep on trying and hope for the best. I see my doctor on Tuesday and am hoping that she can help to decrease my cycle length somehow, or perhaps she will put me on vitamin B6 and baby aspirin. I've read that these can prevent a chemical pregnancy. I just read it too late..
So please wish us luck for the next long cycle of waiting and testing. Hopefully with any good karma we'll have a wonderful secret to hold onto over the Christmas holidays, and good news to share by Valentine's day.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Beginning
Cycle One ~ May 1-Aug 7
At the end of April 2010 we decided to ditch the birth control pills in an attempt to get my cycles back in order after 16 years on Loestrin. I was nervous about what the pills could have done to my natural hormone balance. I had aunt flo(AF) on May 1st. I had heard that it can take awhile to get back to regular. Well, a very long wait of 99 days finally came to an end on August 8th. I had my first natural cycle. I was excited just to know my body was getting back on track.Cycle Two ~ Aug 8 -Sept 11
I needed to determine if I was ovulating. I bought an ovulation predictor kit(OPK) to check the LH levels in my system and waited for day ten, like the instructions said to do. In the meantime, we left for our honeymoon in Europe. I tried to keep up testing with the OPKs each morning. After about a week of negatives I stopped testing, thinking we could try again next month as I must've missed the mark, or I wasn't ovulating yet. We enjoyed the rest of our trip and tried not to worry about cycles, babies or ovulation. Near the end of our trip, in Austria I got a very bad
UTI. My cycle began in the middle of that same night. It was 35 days long.
Cycle Three ~ Sept 12 - ??
Cycle three began on September 12th. I tested again with the OPKs and received negative day after day. Until on October 3rd I saw a second line! It did not match the control line but I was quite happy to see it anyway. Sorry the photo is a bit blurry. The control line is on the right and the positive LH line is on the left.
We were so happy and took it to mean that I was going to ovulate this cycle. I re-tested again on October 4th and got another positive LH reading. The line was a bit darker this time. The control line is on the right and the positive LH line is on the left. It was a great couple of days.
Guessing by my previous cycle of 35 days I took it to mean that my next cycle should begin on October 17th, or if it were late, maybe October 19th. October 17th is DH's birthday and we thought it would be quite fun to test on his birthday and maybe get a positive. So we decided to take a First Response Early Response(FRER) home pregnancy test(HPT) early in the morning and waited the three whole long minutes... for a faint light pink second line.
 |
| BFP! |
I retook the same FRER test early the next morning, October 18th for the exact same result, a faint pink second line. I called my doctors office and made an appointment for a week away(October 26th) hoping that by then the hCG levels will be strong and we will get some great news. I still could not believe it so on the morning of October 19th I took a First Response Digital test and it also came back positive. The tests from what I've read can detect 20mIU and are the most sensitive available. The digitals are much easier to read, and much more fulfilling I have to say!
At this point we think that we might actually have our dreams come true and be pregnant with our first baby. On my walk home from the bus that same evening, I had the not so brilliant idea to stop into my local doctors office to have them confirm my findings. I had just went to the bathroom an hour prior, when leaving the office, and could barely get anything into the cup for them to test. Then they proceeded to tell me that the test was negative. Sigh. I went home sad, worried and confused. I realized that the nurse could've made a mistake, or that there may not have been enough hCG in my system to get a positive. I'm hoping that it's too early to get a strong result.
This morning, October 20th, I took a third FRER(same as the first two) and it had a very faint pink line as well. Now I'm second guessing myself and wondering whats going on. Am I really pregnant? I'm also wondering if the line should be getting darker, because it hasn't, and I hope that is not a bad sign. AF has not arrived and I am on pins and needles waiting for either a confirmed positive (yay!) or a sad, sad day if AF does start.
DH says that no matter what we will get our baby. Either now or in the future. He stays so calm. I wish I could be so calm. I know that worrying doesn't help anything, but it's easier said than done to stop. Only time will tell I guess. Now the long wait until next Tuesday begins...
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