We are now on what I will count as cycle number four. I know that in TTC terms, this is not a very long period of time. I've read about ladies who've been TTC for years and I truly feel for them. I've also read about ladies who get BFPs on their first try and go on to have wonderful pregnancies. My thoughts on having to actually put forth an effort to TTC are that it can only lead to a greater appreciation of the end goal, a deeper love for the little baby and reflection on all of the hard work that went into planning for them. It has been quite a journey so far.
In one sense, I am lucky in that I get to share this TTC journey with my sister, who also understands the hardships of TTC and loss. I wish that we didn't understand it, that we could get pregnant easily and stay pregnant but so far that has not been the case for either of us. My sister is on one hand a great support in that she understands what I am going through and on the other hand, since she is my older sister and also TTC (aka wanting to have a baby first) I also am conflicted in that I don't want to share too much, or make her feel as though I may be stealing her thunder. Ideally she would have a baby first, but the world isn't always "right" and I understand this fact. It however doesn't make our situation any easier. I wish for her happiness and that she will soon have her bundle of joy as she so dreams.
Speaking of family, the funeral last week was beautiful. It brought together a lot of family. We enjoyed seeing everyone again and feeling the sense of love and belonging. It really means a lot to us that we have such wonderful people around us. We can't wait to be able to share some good news with them all. I still feel bad that we won't be able to share the good news as planned at Christmas time, but I'm trying not to dwell on what could have been, and instead focus on what could be. My grandma keeps asking me when she will be a great grandma. Perhaps next year if we are lucky.
This month we are not really trying to conceive again, based on doctors recommendation from the CP in October, but would be pleasantly surprised if we did get happy news. We will likely be due for AF or HPT on New Year's Eve, which would be a really fun day to get a BFP. My plan is to keep using BBT and let things happen as they may. I don't plan to use OPKs or anything else this cycle. I'm still hoping for an October or November baby, so we wouldn't need to try until January or February in that case. I've got a stock of OPKs and HPTs in the ready for Jan/Feb 2011... I occasionally feel like a crazy person for having a bathroom shelf stocked full of TTC products, and wonder 'Am I normal?'
We are celebrating Christmas with family here at home in just two weeks and then again with more family out of province the following week. We are really looking forward to the entire Christmas season. All of our Christmas cards were mailed out end of November, all but one gift is bought and wrapped and today we put the Christmas lights on our house. All we need is a tree and we're all set for family dinner.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, the shelter cat we adopted is fitting nicely into our home. He still does not have a name, but I am sure one will stand out soon.
Wishing you and yours a magical holiday season.
Renae
