I'm beginning to feel as if this trying to conceive thing is all a waiting game. A game of tactics and skill, of timing and luck.
You wait until AF is over, then you wait until ovulation, then you wait again 2 more weeks (aka the dreaded two week wait) until either a) AF comes back and you begin all over, or b) if you've been successful and have a positive home pregnancy test. That's just the very tip of the iceberg, once you actually do conceive then you've got to hope its viable and that it will be healthy. It's all very nerve wracking.
I've read about various methods of trying, when to try, when not to try, how much to try. I've read about methods of tracking, temperatures, ovulation kits, and counting the days. I've read about chemicals, products, vitamins to consume, and random magical acts that are supposed to help you to conceive such as prayer, spells and positive thinking. I've read about procedures such as aromatherapy, chiropractic, acupuncture and acupressure all supposedly to help you have the baby of your dreams.
I'm not really sure what to think. Who knew trying to conceive was this complicated? In school they always taught us how not to get pregnant and then when you actually do want try, you're left confused and overwhelmed by all of the information. The advice everyone gives is to "Relax. It will happen when it is supposed to happen". Who knows maybe they are right, but it is much easier said than done when it's your future on the line.
I've noticed from talking to many women, who have tried for months or even years, that babies are not easy to come by. Yes, there are those who conceive right away first time with no complications, but they are quite rare. Most of the women I've talked to had to try for a long time to get pregnant. I'm also noticing how rare it seems to be to keep a pregnancy once you do get a positive home pregnancy test. This is the part where there are no books on "How to". In fact, I couldn't find any information at all for the stage in between getting a positive test and having your doctor confirm it with an ultrasound, sometimes weeks later. There are so many unanswered questions and so few reliable resources.
It seems that pregnancies overall are not easy to come by, and keep, and nurture full term. This gives me a great appreciation for the babies who are born each day and the miracles that they really are. I know our own little miracle will happen someday. Maybe even two or three in time, if we are lucky enough. I also know that we will appreciate them all the more for having to learn all of this on our own. It really opens your eyes to how little you can control and how big this process really is.
The way I figure, this is all a big chess game, and you need to make the right move, with the right pieces in place, at the right time. All while keeping your cool relaxed state of mind. Who knew it would be a skills test?
Wish us luck, prayers, and baby dust!
I found this quote and wanted to remember it's strength. It made me teary eyed to read it.
""There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed them and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
