Well, really I like to think of it as losing a ball of cells, because I understand that at this point it was not yet a baby. The disappointment of not having a "June Bug" and not being able to surprise our families at Christmas with the good news is the hardest part to take. We did get excited even though we tried not to, and the let down has left a hole. I can't even imagine the love I'd feel for a birthed baby if I feel this way about one just at the spark of life. Our baby will be well loved. Someday.
I spent some time today reading about "chemical pregnancies". Basically any pregnancy that you have prior to having an ultrasound is considered a chemical pregnancy and they are very common. 50-60% of pregnancies apparently end this way, just normally, its early enough that the mom never knows its happened. Doesn't make me feel any better but at least it's not rare and I'm pretty sure I have nothing reproductively wrong with me. We now know that we can get pregnant and I will hold onto that glimmer of hope.
I'm hoping that my body can bounce back to normal hormone levels and that we will have a healthy baby baking soon. For now we'll keep on trying and hope for the best. I see my doctor on Tuesday and am hoping that she can help to decrease my cycle length somehow, or perhaps she will put me on vitamin B6 and baby aspirin. I've read that these can prevent a chemical pregnancy. I just read it too late..
So please wish us luck for the next long cycle of waiting and testing. Hopefully with any good karma we'll have a wonderful secret to hold onto over the Christmas holidays, and good news to share by Valentine's day.
